Verbal Abuse

What is verbal abuse?

Verbal Abuse is when someone uses their words and speech to assault, control, ridicule, manipulate, or denigrate another person. The abuser’s aim is to use verbal abuse to control and keep authority over another person.

Verbal abuse is a form of verbal aggression, that can take place in personal and professional relationships, for instance, in family settings or work relationships. According to a survey published by the RAND Corporation, 13.1 percent of males and 12.4 percent of women have encountered verbal abuse at work (RAND CORPORATION, 2017).

Verbal abuse victims usually question whether or not what they are experiencing is indeed harmful. They also question if it is significant. Every relationship is unique, and emotional and verbal abuse indicators may not be visible right from the start. Verbally abusive persons might appear to be excellent partners at first, and their habits can arise gradually or unexpectedly.

God’s thoughts on verbal abuse

The Bible has a lot to say about verbal abuse and the importance of the words we speak. Ephesians 4, verse 29 says ‘Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.’ This verse clearly shows us that verbal abuse is seen as a form of corrupt talking that doesn’t spiritually, emotionally, and mentally build the hearer. The opposite implies that such talk destroys the hearer on a spiritual, emotional, and mental level. Proverbs 22, verse 24 also says that we should make no friendship with anyone given to anger or wrath, as such emotions give birth to verbal abuse. A verbal abuser utters destructive words of death, as reflected in Proverbs 18, verse 21. It is therefore important to guard your life and heart against verbal abuse as it has the power to destroy and damage your life.

What are the signs of verbal abuse?

Here are some of the signs of verbal abuse:

Gaslighting, bullying, criticising
Making attempts to verbally embarrass or offend you
Accusing you of being sensitive or having a lack of sense of humour
Screaming and yelling at you regularly
Sudden arguments that catch you off guard, yet you’re held responsible for beginning them.
Discussions that tend to lead to a chain of accusations
Making you feel bad about yourself by portraying themselves as the victim.
They hold their cruel acts for when you’re alone, but when others are present, they act entirely differently.
Use of abusive words to invade your personal space or prevent you from leaving.
They throw tantrums and use words as emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty
Choice of words portrays you as useless, not good enough, and never meeting their expectations

What are the Impacts of verbal abuse?

Fear and suppression of emotions
People pleasing in trying to maintain peace
Impaired judgment and second-guessing
Inability to express yourself and emotionally unstable
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence
Unhappiness, sadness, and feeling hopeless
Internalisation and overwhelming negative thoughts
Chronic anxiety, PTSD, worrying, and panic attacks
Shame, remorse, and a sense of hopelessness
Social withdrawal and isolation
Personal and professional underachievement and underperformance
Self-harm, self-neglect, and suicidal behaviours

In conclusion, do not ignore the signs and impacts of abuses in your life. Doing so limits God’s best for you and your life aspirations. Find ways to start your healing process. Whilst not speaking to experts may not be readily available to you, however, you can begin to take steps towards effective self-healing Christian options like meditation, prayers, scripture declaration immersion, identity in Christ refocusing and retreats.

Prayer is a very important part of dealing with the impact of abuses and traumas from life challenges. There are different kinds and times of prayers, bedtime prayers, morning prayers, midnight prayers and night prayers. Regardless of the type and time, word based prayers, which is praying the word is critical. We can’t just pray haphazardly. According to the bible, there is a special spirit and life inherent in the work of God. And praying the word activates the spirit and life force to go to work on your behalf.

Remember, life is not a rehearsal. God always wants you to choose freedom in Jesus Christ. To be free, you have to decide to be 100% responsible for the change you want to see in your life, even though you may be 100% blameless for the life challenges you find yourself facing. As such, be ready for change. As the solution to overcoming life challenges will usually involve a combination of spiritual insights and practical professional skills, on things God will show you to do to surge ahead. As always, remain blessed with divine health and wellbeing.

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